so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
