I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize