It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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