i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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