just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
