Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
