he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
