Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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