I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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