i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
