You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
