If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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