$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
