yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
