i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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