Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
