SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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