I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
