does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We got so high we made milksteak
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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