explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
