At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
