you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
please come you make the beer taste better
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
