I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
