You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
