The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
