what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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