Whod you bang
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
