i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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