He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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