I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
