he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
