then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
