so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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