In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
