ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
3pm strippers are depressing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
