mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize