We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
