i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
