Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
