Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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