Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
