When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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