he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
