Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
