the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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