I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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