Moan for me like Helen Keller
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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