The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
