and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
