Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
