I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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