Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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