Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
