Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
