p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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