Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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