I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
