so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
