I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
