well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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