hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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