Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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