maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
