pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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