I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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