He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
