why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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