so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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