I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
