I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He shit in the fireplace
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
