i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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