I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
