I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
