so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
