Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
