dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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