sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
