Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dicks are not precious.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
