I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize