On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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