I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's even glitter on my cock...
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