He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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